It’s hard being a human being. It’s hard accepting that you have feelings. And it’s hard
to show your feelings. It’s hard being honest with your feelings. With God first, then with yourself and then with others. When you have spent your whole life stuffing, hiding , and putting on a mask.
I thought that’s what it meant to be a human being and live as a human. Came to find out I was absolutely wrong. And most people have spent their lives admitting their feelings, showing them and being vulnerable. For me it is akin to be alien.
But walking with the Lord requires humility and deep honesty. I cannot want to talk to others about Someone I am not intimate with. Somebody said: “Intimacy is having others having all parts of you.” And this is true in any type of relationship. I have to show who I am to the LORD then to others. David said in Psalms 55:4-5 “My heart is severely pained within me and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling have come upon me, and horrors have overwhelmed me.” Then in verse 15 “Let death seize them; let them go down alive into hell, for wickedness is in their dwellings and among them.”
If you read this you can tell David, or king David rather was in deep soulish anguish. He wasn’t afraid to go to the LORD and pour out his heart to Him. And this is part of the Bible! For so long I thought I had to put on a front and be perfect. Meanwhile I was dying inside. Because I wasn’t honest with how I really felt, I was actually trying to be God or a god and not accept I am human like everyone else. And I was feeling guilty because I was feeling angry. I would fail at trying to suppress the anger, then get back to feeling guilty because of my unresolved feelings. Until one day the LORD spoke to me in a middle of a test: I am not asking you to be perfect, I am asking you to be obedient.
Finally I understood. The Only One Who is perfect is Jesus. And I am to come under His leadership and authority and live for Him. Love Him with all of my heart, my soul, my strength. Then the LORD is pleased with me, even in the midst of my mistakes. How liberating that was! Because then Jesus covers me in all of my mistakes. and as I am corrected in my learning process, I am becoming more like Him.
If you have struggled with perfectionism, and trying to have all the answers, you need to admit right now you never will. Because you are just a human being, and He is GOD Almighty. So the solution is to surrender to Jesus.